2005-01-06 - 8:04 a.m.

>Five Finger Discount

Okay, I am sick again, or still, or however you want to look at it. I am again sick with sore throat and mucus and headaches and desire to crawl into bed. Still sick with nameless organ mashing.

Frostiness and a foreground heart.

Here are a couple of unexpected things that have happened to me this week:
1) I was (sort of) accused of shoplifting. The story is this: Bee and I walked to the local Mac's 24 hour convenience to get slushies in the frosty evening. On the way out of the building I stopped to check the mail and we had received a magazine (i love magazine subscriptions - something new to read just randomly showing up over the course of the month? Wonderful!), I forget which one, maybe Discover or Wired. Anyway, I folded it into my pocket and we went to the store. Along the way, I wondered out loud to Bee if they would think I stole the magazine, but we quickly laughed it off. I even said that I hoped the clerk would accuse me so I could triumphantly point out my name on the mailing label. So, inside the store, we put our confections on the counter and prepared to pay.

"How about the magazine in your pocket, buddy?" he said in a "Ha! I got you" voice.
"No no," I laughed, pulling it out, "See, it's got my name on it." I pointed to the label. He grabbed the magazine out of my hand and started examining it closely. "That's my name and address on the label there. See? That's my magazine." After a long time of him flipping the magazine over and looking for the price, etc, I think he realized that they don't even carry that magazine and handed it back.

No apology, no sheepish grin. I mean, I don't expect much - I know he has to do his job - but really! I felt like I should have refused to let him see the magazine and see if he called the cops. That would have sure been embarrassing for him. But I don't really want to humiliate anyone. It's just that I felt humiliated. It reminds me of when I was 10 or 11 and my mom sent my friend Leonard and I to the grocery store to get a chicken. We brought a knapsack to carry it home in, so we decided to use it instead of a shopping cart. Of course, seeing two preteen boys openly stuffing a chicken in a sack in the middle of the frozen meats aisle caused an employee to come and grab us by the shoulders and yell at us incredulously. At the time we were so upset and infuriated. The injustice! But I have been paranoid about people thinking I'm stealing ever since. Sometimes I will not pick something up in a store because it could fit in my pocket and then, well, wouldn't I look suspicious?

Here he is, in all his stubbly, unkempt, sickly glory.

2) Damn. I forget what the second thing is.

3) There really isn't a third story either.

4) You can expect to see more of me again, as Bee is going hundreds of kilometers away to witness the home birth of her first niece or nephew. So I will be in an empty hive for a week or so.

5) I bought five (5) brand new books with the multiple bookstore gift cards I got for Christmas. I was greedily scurrying through our local chapter of the bookish megastore, grabbing so many books that I have been dying to read. Why do they have no shopping baskets in mega-bookstores? I was reduced to putting my growing pile on the ground and zealously guarding it from interlopers with thick-rimmed glasses. In the end I had to put a lot of them back anyway. Books are expensive when you buy them fresh.

6) My kettle is boiling. My caffeine compromise: one teabag of Tetley decaffeinated, one teabag of Nabob red label.

7) Oh! Canadian softhearts: If you want to donate money to the Canadian Red Cross for tsunami relief, the Canadian government will match your donation until January 11th. And Vis@ and M@stercard will waive their administration fees, so all your money will go to the Red Cross. Yeah, that's about it, for now.