2006-03-06 - 3:00 p.m.

Pants Policy Addendum

My new policy regarding pants is as follows: I shall endeavour to always buy pants with a waist that is a size bigger than whatever actually fits. Too many pairs of pants lie folded and unused because of their unfortunate shrinkage (and my even more unfortunate expandage). I tried on all the pants in my drawer the other day, and only one precious pair of brown corduroys fit me! You see, I wear coveralls at work (no waistband at all!), and I generally slip into sweats when I get home. So I had been getting by with only one pair of actual pants: just slip them on when I have to go out, and slip back into sweats when I get home. I can't quite bring myself to wear the jogging pants to the store to stock up on chocolate and sushi. I keep hearing that Seinfeld episode ringing in my ear:

JERRY: Again with the sweat pants?

GEORGE: What? I'm comfortable.

JERRY: You know the message you're sending out to the world with these sweat pants? You're telling the world: "I give up. I can't compete in normal society. I'm miserable, so I might as well be comfortable."

(image courtesy of the Centre for Pants Research)